We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Everclear isn't food dammit
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
