We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
