also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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