You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
