I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You have to summon your inner elephant
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
