I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
