He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
