Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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