and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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