WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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