Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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