"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
