I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
