i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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