He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
