i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
bring money and cleavage
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
