What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
