hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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