where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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