bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
