She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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