As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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