Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
