If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
