and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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