I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
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