Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
