as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
