Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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