I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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