her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
