Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
