The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
