and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
