Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
