Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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