just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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