I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
