My underwear smells like fireworks.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
