Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
