boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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