It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
