I just pynch a tree in the face
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
cat food counts as protein by the way
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
