his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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