They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
