Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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