you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
