i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
