my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
