watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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