went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
