she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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