I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
