porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
