Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Semen is not good for contacts.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
