Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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