Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
