Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
